i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
