are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
