During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
