and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So squirting runs in the family.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
