My hand turned me down
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
