so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
