She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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