Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
