I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and she was petting her beer can
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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