There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
