I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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