I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
