He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
