Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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