First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fuck appropriateness.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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