who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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