its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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