She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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