eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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