we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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