I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So many bounce houses so little time
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
