K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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