Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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