True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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