I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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