i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
