I met the friendliest cop last night
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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