Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you didnt know i had herpes?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
