I feel like abortions should bother me more
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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