it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
