so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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