I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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