My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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