i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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