i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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