Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
