Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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