yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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