He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
