you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
