it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
