So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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