I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
