dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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