I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
