I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
