Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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