pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Randomize
