I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
