I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize