none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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