So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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