I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We have so much sex to catch up on
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
