So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
