Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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