I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
