girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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