it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
