just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
