He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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