I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize