dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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