someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
