Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
