Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
